gnarly:

Officer: are you aware how fast you were going?

Me: Well my snapchat selfie says 65 mph…

Officer: omg add me

(via ratherbeyourcocoon-blog)

starfoozle:

“…fight me,” I mumble from where I’m lying motionless under three different blankets with no intention of moving any time soon.

(via ratherbeyourcocoon-blog)

alphabitches:

My cousin came out to his mum by baking a cookie and writing “GAY” on it with icing and then went up to her and said “you are what you eat” then he ate the motherfucking cookie and if that’s not the best way to come out idk what is

(via ratherbeyourcocoon-blog)

Like you can boss me around in sexual situations but you better not try to tell me what to do in regular life

(via ratherbeyourcocoon-blog)